


losing you

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Cousin Incest, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:27:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22250308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Everything feels different under the cover of night - the darkness changes everything, morphing perfectly normal objects into things of nightmares and finds a way to mask the nightmares completely. It allows for anonymity, for clandestine meetings that would normally be frowned upon during the light of day. The castle is filled with secrets: the students, the portraits, the corridors - each of them holds their own kind of secrets.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Narcissa Black Malfoy
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	losing you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Houseofmalfoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Houseofmalfoy/gifts).



> Written for Tessa, who got me into this ship and sent me a prompt for Sirius/Narcissa _"staring at the other's lips, trying not to kiss them before giving in"_
> 
> I'm also using this for the Hogwartsonline Songfic OWLs song _The One That Got Away_
> 
> This is my first time writing Sirius and Narcissa at all, so I hope I did it justice! (Also they're both about 16 in this)

Everything feels different under the cover of night - the darkness changes everything, morphing perfectly normal objects into things of nightmares and finds a way to mask the nightmares completely. It allows for anonymity, for clandestine meetings that would normally be frowned upon during the light of day. The castle is filled with secrets: the students, the portraits, the corridors - each of them holds their own kind of secrets.

Students aren’t permitted to walk about the castle at night, but that has never stopped Sirius before. He wanders through the halls as if it’s his own house - he’s always getting in trouble for  _ something _ , so he’d stopped concerning himself with what he considered little things years before.

Part of him wonders if she will even show up - he’ll be disappointed, but he wouldn’t blame her. She’s hung up on tradition, on following the rules handed to them by their families. She is the epitome of a pureblood and she isn’t interested in risking her standing within the hierarchy.

Sirius tucks himself away into the darkest corner of the corridor where he’d instructed her to meet him, leaning against the cold stone wall. He does his best to appear casual when there is nothing casual about this meeting.

Quiet footfalls echo down the hallway and Sirius can feel his pace quicken involuntarily. It isn’t any of the professors - they walk with more confidence, with purpose - and it definitely isn’t Filch - Sirius would recognize the sound of his footsteps any day. “Sirius?” her voice is soft, but it feels like a knife in his chest. She sounds doubtful, like she doesn’t believe he’s here. He watches her for a moment, her white-blonde hair standing out in the dim light of the corridor.

“Cissa,” he says, stepping out of the darkness. He wants to reach for her, to run his fingers through her hair, but the sharp set of her shoulders stops him.

“Don’t call me that,” Narcissa’s voice is cold but he knows her well enough to hear the pain most people would miss. “You’re not a Black anymore,” she reminds him and this time she made no effort to hide the bitterness in her voice. “You lost that privilege.” It cuts him more than anything else had - more than his brother ignoring him in the halls, more than his mother’s harsh words, more than his father’s disdainful look.

“C’mon, Cissa,” he tries again, taking another step towards her.

“What do you want from me?” she asks, not allowing him to say anything else. Her voice is shrill and demanding. “What is so important that you thought it necessary to bother me?”

“I…” Sirius stops himself. He doesn’t want to give her that power, doesn’t want her to know that he feels like a piece of him is dying without her, but she’s watching him expectantly, waiting for an answer. “I miss you,” he finally says.

It isn’t enough. It barely scratches the surface of the ache he feels without her.

“You miss me?” she scoffs, disbelief and skepticism dripping from the words. She stares at him for a few moments longer - letting silence hang heavily in the air between them.

“I didn’t want to leave you,” he says honestly. He wracks his brain for a way to make her understand - he needs to convince her to join him, though he suspects it’s an impossible task.

“Then why did you?” her voice is raw with emotion and getting louder. Any semblance of control she once had is gone, replaced by sadness, by hurt. “Was the thought of spending your life with me so revolting that you had to leave? You convinced me you cared…”

Sirius didn’t want to listen - he knew that he should, but he couldn’t stand the pain in her voice, the accusations, the demands. The guilt. Being this close to her set all of his nerves on edge.

His eyes explore her face in the low light - high cheekbones and hollow cheeks, bright eyes brimming with unshed tears - but he finds himself transfixed by the fullness of her lips. She’s been biting them again - a nervous habit she’s never grown out of. He remembers what it felt like when they were pressed against his and he’s struck by the overwhelming urge to kiss her once more.

Just  _ once. _

He fights against every fibre of his being, his eyes still glued to her lips as she talks - she’s baring her soul to him and he feels guilty that her words are practically bouncing off of him. He tries to listen, but it’s like his body is moving of its own accord as he surges towards her. He holds her face gently in his hands before pressing their lips together.

It’s harsher than he intended but she doesn’t try to pull away from him. Her body melts into his and, for the first time since his family had disowned him, he feels like he’s actually alive. It feels like his body has caught fire, flames spreading throughout his limbs, and Narcissa is the only thing keeping him from disintegrating.

Her arms wrap around his neck and she tangles her delicate fingers into the messy hair at the base of his neck. Sirius isn’t sure how long they stay like this, but he doesn’t want it to end - he can’t pull away, he never could.

Narcissa draws back and it feels like all of the oxygen has been torn from his lungs. “We can’t,” she whispers, moving her hands so they cover his. “It’s too late.”

“It’s not,” Sirius replies, his voice insistent. “Join me, Cissa.”

“I’m sorry.” She takes a step back, moving his hands off of her face. She doesn’t immediately drop them, but she gives them a gentle squeeze. A tear rolls down her delicate face and Sirius can feel the knife twisting in his chest.

“Don’t say it,” he begs, unashamed of how needy he sounds. “Please.” His voice breaks.

She shakes her head and lets go of his hands, but doesn’t move to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Goodbye, Sirius.”

The ghost of her touch lingers in his fingertips as he watches her walk away, sure that she had taken his heart with her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!!


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